Lucy Dacus is without a doubt one of the best songwriters of this current generation of music. She writes songs effortlessly that make real the utterly intangible human experience. I do not say it lightly when I say her songs have caused several epiphanies and realizations in my personal life.
Night Shift tells the story of walking away from a love that wasn’t really love - and Dacus takes confidence in calling it that. There is no begging or grovelling, there is an acknowledgement of the feelings and the fallout - but that staying is not love, staying is self-destruction.
“You don’t deserve what you don’t respect
Don’t deserve what you say you love
And then neglect.”
Oftentimes I think admitting we have feelings, admitting we feel strongly, is seen as a weakness. Admitting you love someone more, that you care about them more, that you’re a fool who fell in love - how stupid can you be? Ha, you showed your hand. That’s why they don’t care about you, you came on too strong.
I do think there is a difference between love bombing/mirroring and genuine care; and I think sometimes it is hard to spot in our current dating and relationship economy. Love bombing is an attempt to lower your defenses and manipulate you, and sometimes it is hard to spot but lately I think you should just wait it out. Love bombers usually give up or get angry, or just don’t really care about you or your interests. Not to be confused with mirrorers who mirror all your interests and tastes, only to discover later on they were just pretending or inflating how much they knew about it to seem interesting to you. And listen, some of these things are not bad and normal in dating but essentially we need to focus on the true goal: genuine care.
Genuine care is the acknowledgement that choice is an illusion and if you care about someone, it doesn’t matter if it's platonic or romantic. It’s my favourite meme because it’s true.
I think queer people know this better than anyone, we often hear how ‘men and women just can’t be friends’. People who are, in theory, attracted to each other, can’t possibly just stay friends. But queer people who have fallen in and out of love with their best friends know best that loving someone fundamentally, wholly, at their core means just being happy to be in their lives. We struggle with this concept as a society but I think as a society we struggle with what love is.
If love is meant to provide something - a home, a feeling, an acceptance, then love not delivering on that is seen as a betrayal. But if love is something we participate in and give freely, then love at all levels is always love. This is not a brand new idea, this is what love is in the Bible. Love your neighbor, as you love yourself, as you love god. No distinction, no indifference.
But I’m going off topic, ‘Night Shift’ is a song about realizing you deserve better, even though you love fundamentally - it’s moving on because you know this kind of love without boundaries is pure self-destruction. It’s sad and bittersweet, it asks, will we ever find a love that compliments us? The feeling of hopelessness, walking away from a love you felt so completely but wasn’t reciprocated?
Lucy Dacus’ newest single, ‘Best Guess’ is her proclamation that love that kind of love will eventually find you. ‘Best Guess’ doesn’t come on strong like a power ballad you’d expect at a wedding about how love is eternal and unfaltering and that we knew from the beginning. ‘Best Guess’ says, I acknowledge that life is unpredictable, life comes without certainties, but if I had to guess, if I had to gamble it all, it would be on you. And to me, that is far more romantic.
Joni Mitchell sang in a Case of You, “Just before our love got lost you said "I am as constant as a northern star" And I said "Constantly in the darkness. Where's that at?” and GOT7 said, ‘swear not by the moon’ because it changes shape every night. These big declarations often show their reverse; that life is unpredictable and always changing. That no one can predict the future, no one can guarantee that from day to day, from year to year, things will not change. Actually, our only assurance is that they will. When Dacus decides not to weigh in on permanence, but on the inevitability of change it is far more honest and heartening:
“If this doesn't work out
I would lose my mind
And after a while
I will be fine
But I don't wanna be fine
I want you”
It takes all the pressure off the individual to be the saviour and the loved one and everything, but stays romantic. It says, if I had a choice, I would choose you. And right now, I choose you and will choose you. Not, fate, not destiny, not ‘you’ll regret this if you leave’ but I love you but I don’t need you. I want you. How much more pleasant it is to be wanted, to be chosen, rather than inevitably or a burden.
